There is something infantile in the presumption that somebody else has a responsibility to give your life meaning and point. The truly adult view, by contrast, is that our life is as meaningful, as full and as wonderful as we choose to make it.

Richard Dawkins

Meeting our Evolving Needs

As we grow and evolve throughout our lives, taking different paths, our needs will change. There will of course be some core needs that remain - food, water, shelter - but our emotional needs will develop and change throughout our experiences and learnings. How we process these changes can have a dramatic impact on our satisfaction with life in general; who we are, what we’re doing and where we’re going. By developing a practice to tap in to how we are tracking, being self-aware and nurturing our needs, we can develop self-actualisation.

Those of you who studied Psychology 101 in high school may recall learning about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs; that in order to reach self-actualisation (your full potential) you must first satisfy your physiological needs, safety, sense of belonging, and self-esteem (in that order). I’m not suggesting that this pyramid model is 100% accurate - there are plenty of people who lack basic needs such as food and shelter, but maintain strong personal relationships - but it does give us a bit of a structure to work with when assessing ourselves.

Self-Actualisation is a concept that comes from an area of psychology that I subscribe to - Humanistic Psychological Theory. This is on brand for me as it looks at the person as a whole and places emphasis on psychological concepts that promote positive growth, such as free will and self-efficacy. Self-Actualisation Theory takes into account the entire human existence, and our search for physical, psychological and spiritual fulfilment. Maslow himself described Self-Actualisation as the process of becoming the best version of yourself. I like to think of it as ‘living my best life’.

Live YOUR Best Life

It is accepted that everyone is unique, and will have very different needs to meet before able to live their best life. Part of the process is recognising your limits, and identifying your unique strengths - whether that be in a sports or skill-related area, parenting, creativity, or emotional insights.

Generally speaking, self-actualised people live independently, and do not structure their lives around the opinions of others. They see humour in challenging times, and are comfortable with the unknown. They enjoy meaningful relationships and enjoy peak experiences; moments of euphoria or wonder where they feel connected to the universe - and express gratitude for the smaller things each day. Remember that this is a process, and not an endgame - live your life with purpose, that align to your values, needs and passion and you will be on the right track!

Authentic Living

‘Authenticity’ has become somewhat of a buzzword, scattered like confetti at corporate conferences and key note speech events - but there is a reason that everyone is going crazy for it; there is no better feeling than being genuinely authentic in all aspects of your life (I mean, there may be some short term euphoric moments that challenge it, but long term it’s so liberating).

To be authentic, means to be real or genuine. In psychology, authenticity is more than merely trying to be ourselves- it requires us to know and own who we are. Being authentic means having the courage to be our true self at all times (office, training, home, social media…) regardless of what others might think of us. How we perceive our authenticity is a crucial aspect of who we are. It significantly affects the pleasure or enjoyment that we get out of things, as well as influencing our judgement and behaviour across all aspects of life.

Stop putting on a show! Live each day moment to moment, taking the time to reflect on your needs, your motivation, your conditions of worth - whilst also considering your responsibilities and choices. It has been said that that an authentic life involves pursuing your passion, and being closely acquainted with your natural abilities, strengths and talents.

The Role of Vulnerability

There is a strong connection between authenticity and vulnerability (cue Brene Brown TEDTalk - highly recommend, if you haven’t seen it). Brown says that vulnerability and authenticity form part of our hard-wired need for connection and that together they stop us from dehumanising people and help us develop valuable relationships. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Take risks, be vulnerable, be authentic.

When business leaders show humility and vulnerability, their followers experience a greater degree of authenticity as related to themselves and their experience of the leader (Oc, Daniels, Diefendorff, Bashshur, & Greguras, 2019).

A moment of reflection

As I write, I realise that perhaps it was no coincidence that I chose to research and publish this information at this time in my life. I have noticed cues in myself of late, pushing me one way over another. Like many small business owners, I am struggling with the decision to take the leap of faith out of my security blanket employment, and into my own business full time. On Mondays I hold clinic hours for my remedial therapy clients. On Mondays I am full of energy, flow and creativity. On Mondays I am happy. On Tuesdays I am in the Office for my ‘day job’. On Tuesdays I am flat, down and uninspired. On Tuesdays I am not happy. Upon reflection, Tuesday’s work does not fulfil my needs; it does not align with my passion and natural abilities nearly as well as my own business. I am not 100% authentic in my day job. I am not living my best life on Tuesdays. So, what am I going to do about it? I’m going to write a plan. Tonight. I’ll let you know how I go…

How Can You Start To Live Your Best Life?

Know yourself. Own yourself. Be yourself.

Overarching thing to remember - encourage a balance between what is happening inwardly, and what is being expressed outwardly. Putting on a front is exhausting and will ultimately lead to damaging our physical and mental health. Challenge yourself to try the below.

OK, So…

BE MINDFUL - practice mindfulness and be aware of what is happening in your body - that tightness in your shoulders may be linked to something going on inside your mind
TRUST YOUR GUT - listen to what you are telling yourself, and not what others are telling you! Listen to your dreams, hopes and fears (just like you did when you were a kid)
KNOW AND OWN YOURSELF - know your truth, and speak it. Face up to your truths; what you are good at, not good at, what you are prepared to do, and not prepared to do. Take responsibility for your actions, and be honest and transparent in your interactions.

Take Home Messages

All this… it’s a process. We as humans are not one dimensional and will go through several iterations of ourselves - with evolving needs that will require something different to fulfil them. Focus on ‘the now’ you.

Continue to practice mindfulness and gratitude to really get to know yourself and what you need to feel satisfied (genuinely, to the soul, satisfied).

Be open to new opportunities and experiences. Challenge that anxiety, be vulnerable and engage in activities that match your passion.

I hope that I gave you something to think about - please share your thoughts with me! Drop me a message on instagram @kirst_scoutco or email at kirsty@scoutco.com.au.

Be kind to each other - Kirst

Kirsty McCall

**Sports Therapist & Mindset Coach**
**Email: kirsty@scoutco.com.au Insta: @kirst_scoutco**

How To Live Your Best Life